the craft beer enthusiast

Go on then, another half, quite a hefty nose on it, though. I'm still getting that weird foretaste. What did I say before? Jelly bean?

Packet of salt and vinegar and a pint of Thames Roadkill, please mate - you sure? OK, bit of a well kept secret, I suppose. Got any Headburst? Flayed Cat? Growling Arse? No? OK, what've you got that's super-local - tons of flavor mind, no more than 8% though, I'm driving, famous last words.

Camberwell Gobfest? I hope you're having a laugh, my friend, no, I'm not saying it's a badly made beer, just that weird sweetish almost jelly bean aftertaste, and the texture - a kind of underlying severe hardness underneath the syrupyness. Make it a half then. You know it's not really a craft beer, not now it's in Tesco, they're not even a proper microbrewery any more, no, I'm not going all Camra on you, well how are you defining micro? Call me a purist, but anything with consistent quality control immediately loses the right to craft beer status, takes all the fun out of it.

OK, go on then, another half, quite a hefty nose on it, though, I'm still getting that weird foretaste, what did I say before? Jelly bean? It's more a butterscotch hit now, no wait, mango? Mmm, complex, solid aftertaste, not bad, you need to drink at least a pint and a half, let the palate adjust, am I right? What's that one over there - Dented Skull - Kudos, wasn't it high;y commended in the 2013 Penge Ale festival? Wow, amazing. I'm getting kiwi fruit then fresh Snickers - lovely chewy mouthfeel, is it meant to have bits in it?

Anything stronger? What's that, Hackney Devil's Cobblers, great label, what is it, stout? I'm more of a porter guy but go for it - what, you think stout and porter are the same? Just come over here and say that, mate, and I'll shove your stout where the sun don't shine, hipster bollocks, the chocolate malt gives stout a mocha flavor you'll never get in a porter. No need to get aggressive, I'm going, if this was a proper craft place you'd appreciate a bit of banter. I'm off to Wetherspoons.