[Annotated] If consultants ran Christmas

An elf-and-safety nightmare 

Memo from: Bognor Consulting Group. To: Santa Claus, North Pole HQ, Lapland.

Thanks for asking us to have a look at your business model. Our staff have now recovered from their frostbite and have a number of significant suggestions for a revamp before next year. 

First, the brand name. The business seems to use several different monikers, including St Nicholas, Santa Claus and Father Christmas. We suggest settling on one of the three. Father Christmas is clearly paternalistic and gender-biased. St Nicholas is too overtly religious. Santa Claus is a much more inclusive term. Once trademarked, there is a ton of money to be made from merchandising rights^[각주:1], particularly from greeting-card companies^[각주:2] and department stores. Frankly, your intellectual property is an underutilized resource^[각주:3]. 

Making better use of it could help address your most glaring challenge: the lack of any revenue stream^[각주:4]. Mince pies, carrots and glasses of brandy are not a sound basis of remuneration for^[각주:5] a multinational organization. And who pays for the raw materials^[각주:6] needed to make the presents? Given the lack of paperwork about^[각주:7] your funding, we are surprised that the authorities have not launched an investigation into^[각주:8] money-laundering^[각주:9]. 

Next, the distribution system. We admit you have an excellent record to date. However, in attempting to deliver millions of presents from a single point over the course of one night, you have been flying by the seat of your sled. It would take just one injured reindeer or a chimney accident and the whole system would grind to a halt. It is far from clear how you co-ordinate your flights with^[각주:10] air-traffic-control systems. 

Outsourcing is^[각주:11] the obvious answer. Amazon, Fed Ex and UPS would do the job just as efficiently. If the chimney-delivery route is still preferred, then small drones may be the answer. 

Now let us turn to^[각주:12] working conditions^[각주:13]. Basing your operation at^[각주:14] the North Pole exposes your workers both to extreme cold and, thanks to climate change, melting ice. It is a health-and-safety (or should that be elf-and-safety) nightmare. Speaking of which, our human-resources department is unsure whether employing elves should be classed as an admirable diversity policy or discrimination against Homo sapiens. As with distribution^[각주:15], the operation could be outsourced. The elves could be retrained, perhaps as shoemakers. 

Our team was also very concerned about animal welfare. Asking reindeer to fly around the world in one night, pulling a heavy load, must put an enormous strain on their physiques^[각주:16]. One of the reindeer has a very shiny nose and we recommend immediate veterinary attention^[각주:17]. 

The next issue is data protection. You tell us you have a "list" which records whether children are "naughty or nice". We are afraid that checking it twice is simply not an adequate safeguard. Children, and their parents, have the right to inspect the list to see whether they agree with your assessment. Even keeping the list is a breach of data-protection rules around the planet. And how are the data compiled? The fact that you see children when they are sleeping, and know when they are awake, suggests surveillance on an Orwellian scale^[각주:18]. This must be stopped immediately. If you insist on pre-gift monitoring^[각주:19], simply look at the children's Snapchat accounts. That should tell you all you need to know. 

While we are on the subject, how do you know which families celebrate Christmas and which do not? In some jurisdictions, you may be liable to a religious-discrimination lawsuit. 

We are also worried about succession planning^[각주:20]. No insult intended but the white beard suggests you are past retirement age and your rotund physique^[각주:21] does not bode well for your health^[각주:22]. You need to hire a graduate, preferably^[각주:23] from an Ivy League college such as Yule University. 

The good news is that you do live up to many of^[각주:24] the precepts of modern business theory^[각주:25]. Just-in-time delivery^[각주:26], a flat management structure^[각주:27] and a purpose-driven ethos are^[각주:28] all things we recommend to other clients. And no one can say that flying reindeer are not "agile^[각주:29]". 

Finally, we need to talk about the terms of our bill. Our expenses were considerable; have you seen the price of a first-class seat on Lapland Airways? Your offer of a train set slippers was^[각주:30] very kind, but we prefer a bank transfer. Mind you, if you could drop a hassle-free Brexit solution^[각주:31] down the chimney, the people of Britain would be very grateful. 

1. merchandising ; [U] 1. (특히 美) 판매; 판촉 ;; 2. (유명 영화·인물·행사와 관련된) 캐릭터 상품[캐릭터 상품 판매] ;; [NOUN] Merchandising consists of goods such as toys and clothes that are linked with something such as a film, sports team, or pop group. [본문으로]
2. greeting card ; [명사] 인사장, 크리스마스 카드, 연하장. [본문으로]
3. underutilized ; [형용사] (격식) ; 참조 underused ;; . 충분히 이용[활용]되지 않는 ;; 영영사전 [ADJ] Something useful that is underused is not used as much for people's benefit as it could be. [본문으로]
4. revenue stream ; A revenue stream is a source of revenue of a company or organization. In business, a revenue stream is generally made up of either recurring revenue, transaction-based revenue, project revenue, or service revenue. In government, the term revenue stream often refers to different types of taxes [본문으로]
5. remuneration ; 보수, 보상, 보답(reward, recompense) ; 급료, 봉급(wages, salary). ;; [NOUN] Someone's remuneration is the amount of money that they are paid for the work that they do. ;; 미국∙영국 [rɪˌmjuːnəˈreɪʃn] [본문으로]
6. raw materials ; [명사] 원자재 [본문으로]
7. paperwork ; [U] 탁상 사무, 문서 업무; 사무 절차. [본문으로]
8. launch[start] an investigation ;; 수사, 조사에 착수하다 [본문으로]
9. money laundering ; 돈[자금] 세탁(money washing) ;; [NOUN] Money laundering is the crime of processing stolen money through a legitimate business or sending it abroad to a foreign bank, to hide the fact that the money was illegally obtained. [본문으로]
10. coordinate ; 1. [타동사][VN] 조직화[편성]하다 ;; to organize or integrate (diverse elements) in a harmonious operation [본문으로]
11. outsourcing ; (경제) 아웃소싱 ((자체 인력·설비·부품 등을 이용해 하던 일을 비용 절감과 효율성 증대를 목적으로 외부 용역이나 부품으로 대체하는 것) [본문으로]
12. turn to sth ; to turn your attention, your thoughts, etc. to a new subject [본문으로]
13. working condition ; 작업여건, 근로환경, 작업조건 [본문으로]
14. base ; [타동사][VN] [주로 수동태로] ~ sb/sth/yourself in… …에 근거지[본부/본사]를 두다 [본문으로]
15. as with ; ~와 같이 [본문으로]
16. physique ; [C, U] (사람의) 체격 ; 유의어 build ;; 미국∙영국 [fɪˈziːk] [본문으로]
17. veterinary ; [명사 앞에만 씀] 가축병 치료와 관련된, 수의과의 ;; [ADJ] Veterinary is used to describe the work of a person whose job is to treat sick or injured animals, or to describe the medical treatment of animals. [본문으로]
18. Orwellian ; 오웰적인, 전체주의적인 ;; 오웰(풍)의 ((조직화되어 인간성을 상실한)) [어원] 영국 작가 조지 오웰(George Orwell)이 쓴 소설 ‘1984년( Nineteen Eighty-Four)’이 국민을 완전히 통제하는 정부를 묘사하는 데서 나온 표현. [본문으로]
19. pre-gift ; A variant of re-gifting where you anticipate that someone will give you an awesome gift that you can give to someone else. [본문으로]
20. succession planning ; [U] (상업) 계승 계획(기업·조직에서 직원들이 언제든지 상급 관리자를 대체할 수 있도록 훈련·준비시키는 것) [본문으로]
21. rotund ; [형용사] (격식 또는 유머) (살이 쪄서) 퉁퉁한[둥실둥실한] ; 유의어 plump ;; [ADJ] If someone is rotund, they are round and fat. ;; 미국식 [roʊ-] 영국식 [rəʊˈtʌnd] [본문으로]
22. bode well[ill] for[to] ;; …에게 길조[흉조]이다 [본문으로]
23. preferably ; [부사] 더 좋아하여, 오히려, 가급적(이면) [본문으로]
24. live up to ; [동사] …에 부끄럽지 않게[어울리게] 살다; (기대 등)에 부응하다; (주의, 신념 등)에 따라 행동하다; (이상 등)을 실행하다. ; (다른 사람의 기대에) 부응하다[합당하다] ;; 유의어 honor, fulfill; put into practice. [본문으로]
25. precept ; 1. [U, C] (도덕적인) 가르침, 교훈; 훈계, 계율; (행동·사고 방식 따위의) 지침, 규범; 격언 ;; 2. (기술적 조작에 관한) 지시, 취급 규칙. ;; [NOUN] A precept is a general rule that helps you to decide how you should behave in particular circumstances. ;; 미국∙영국 [ˈpriːsept] [본문으로]
26. just-in-time ;[명사] [경영] 저스트 인 타임 (방식) ((재고 비용을 최소화하기 위해 입하된 재료를 곧바로 제품의 생산에 투입하는 상품 관리 방식; 略 JIT)) [본문으로]
27. flat organization ; A flat organization (also known as horizontal organization) has an organizational structure with few or no levels of middle management between staff and executives. An organization's structure refers to the nature of the distribution of the units and positions within it, also to the nature of the relationships among those units and positions.[1] Tall and flat organizations differ based on how many levels of management are present in the organization, and how much control managers are endowed with. [본문으로]
28. ethos ; 1. (한 국민·사회·제도 등의) 기풍, 정신, 민족[사회] 정신, 사조 ;; 2. (개인의 지속적인) 기질, 성품, 인격 ;; 3. (문학) (등장 인물의 행위를 결정하는) 도덕적 특질, 윤리적 기품 ;; [NOUN] An ethos is the set of ideas and attitudes that is associated with a particular group of people or a particular type of activity. ;; 미국식 [ˈiːθɑːs] 영국식 [ˈiːθɒs] [본문으로]
29. agile ; 1. 날렵한, 민첩한 ; 유의어 nimble ;; 2. (생각이) 재빠른, 기민한 ;; [ADJ] Someone who is agile can move quickly and easily. [본문으로]
30. train set ; [명사] 장난감 기차 세트(장난감 기차, 철로, 정거장 등으로 이뤄짐) [본문으로]
31. hassle-free ; 성가시지 않은,편리한 [본문으로]