티스토리 뷰
Stella Grey needs cheering up after a man keeps her waiting - perhaps lunch in Paris with a 'French doctor'?
I didn't hear from Edward for 48 hours after our date. My phone cover began to fray, with constant opening and closing. I sent a message saying it was lovely to meet him: a formal enough response to minimize the awkwardness, should a "Look, here's the thing" reply be fermenting in his brain ("Look here's the thing, I think you're great, but... " has happened before). I added that I'd like to do it again, then deleted that part, feeling the need to wait out. I hate the whole "make him do the running" narrative, and - worse - the "leading isn't feminine" one.
Why hadn't he replied? I thought we'd had enough of a rapport to warrant basic good manners, even if he was one of those dating site arses (admittedly a cunningly disguised one) who takes it as read that silence means he's not interested. The salient question is, does he know that silence is rude?
It's possible it's not intentional. Remember two weeks ago, when I thought his going quiet while he was in the US was rude? But perhaps it was. Perhaps it was indicative of of Edward's secretly misanthropic self. Maybe, beneath the skin, he hates the whole world, and is only going through the motions of reconnecting with it. Some men do feel obliged to after a divorce (perhaps it was worse than he admits), even though the eye they now cast upon womankind is a severely jaundiced, wounded one.
Or he is one of those non-verbalizers. I've come across the type - I even know some. Some of them I even love dearly. They tend, like Edward, to be social media refuseniks, who make happy ruts between work and home, and at home minimize their online presence.
Then his reply arrived. It said that he also had a nice evening, and thanked me for being such good company. I can't quote exactly because I destroyed it. I didn't just delete it. I put it in a plastic bag and whacked it with a hammer. Metaphorically.
So what I needed was cheering up. Moaning to girlfriends didn't help. Sometimes a problem shared just gives the whole world the same problem. Chief Sensible Friend, however, thought Edward might turn up again. He's a nerd, a geek, a brainiac, whatever, she said, and he might not be great at communicating, and he might take a while to readjust to human connection.
She thought he might be thinking, wow, I really liked that woman, but I don't think she felt any sort of attraction to me and why should she, and so I should wait a few days before asking if she'd like to meet again because I don't want to look like an idiot by rushing at this like a bull at a gate.
But obviously it isn't that.
To cheer myself up, I checked in to the various websites where I still have a presence, though I rarely instigate contact any more. It's a leave-the-door-open-policy; you're not going to find someone if you close all the doors.
There were two messages. One was from a doctor in Paris (supposedly) asking if I'd like to take the Eurostar and have lunch with him. A French doctor, really? The English idiom was authentically slightly off, but would a Parisian obstetrician really use so many emoticons? Plus, he could turn out to be Kristin Scott Thomas's ex husband, which just be too much pressure for the subsequents.
The other message was from a man called Alex, who lived in a pretty market town three hours away (too far), and had written one of the best profile pages I've ever seen. We had an immediate quick on-screen chat, in which I accused him of getting a female friend to write it and he admitted that his younger sister did. I like men who have good relationships with their sisters.
Alex's pictures look slightly like those done for an actor's agency (though he's an engineer of some sort) and not the handsomest in the world, but he has that something about him - intelligence in the eyes and warmth, that remind me of Steve Martin, generally a good thing.
It's a pity we live too far apart to meet for a pizza and a film, Alex wrote. I asked the French doctor why he didn't catch the Eurostar and we'd have lunch. He hasn't replied.